Show Three Blog

Show Three: Must be their perfume, their perfume, their perfume…

When I turned up for filming of show three of the music show at ten am on a gloomy Sunday morning, only to be met by the Parade girls, I thought I had been given a sneak peek at what Heaven must look like. They had come along to perform their single ‘Perfume’ in Tony’s flat. The song’s all about how good they smell. Let me tell you, from someone who knows, my nostrils were not disappointed. I stood dumbstruck for just long enough to make it awkward, staring at five angels named Emily, Lauren, Bianca, Jessica and Sian. Their manager told me they were about to go into make-up. What? Make up, I thought, how can one improve upon perfection? When they emerged again three hours later (yes, three hours) I thought that this time I had actually died and gone to heaven! Never have I seen such visions of loveliness. Now to get them interviewed…

The only problem with that plan was that I suddenly and inexplicably found myself chewing on a mouthful of cotton wool, tripping on every word like it were a physical hurdle. We started with a ‘fun’ ice-braker: snog, marry avoid, using the Hollyoaks cast. The lucky suitors were Lee Hunter, Doug Carter and Riley Costello. The consensus was that they’d have to marry Lee…

 Jessica: Make us laugh wouldn’t he?

No one could decide who to avoid though…

 Lauren: Yeah, can we not snog them both?

Since it was only a hypothetical game and seeing as I had no desire to disagree with anything that these beautiful sirens had to say, I decided they indeed could marry Lee, snog Doug and snog Riley also. Here are some other things I learned speaking to the girls:

• Vests make Jessica feel ‘physically ill’.
• Emily doesn’t like flip-flops on guys.
• They all agree that curtains are a hair don’t for men.

We hope you’re taking note here fellas. Anywho, after spending more time than was necessary hanging around Parade, I decided to go and catch up with our other main act for the show – Hard Fi. Where they may have been just slightly less pleasing to the eye than Parade, they were certainly a delight to the ears. I was lucky enough to hear them playing new track ‘Good For Nothing’ in the McQueens’ kitchen and, let me tell you, it’s a banger. This is the lads’ first release since 2007. I wanted to know what they’d been up to in the interim. Ross told me they’d taken some time off, with Kai adding enigmatically that time off had given them a chance to do some ‘normal stuff’ for a while. Normal stuff? What are they doing the rest of the time? Wearing their trousers the wrong way around? Driving on the other side of the road? Conducting insane experiments from a laboratory? One can only surmise.

I got talking to the boys about fashion too. Ross told me he didn’t go anywhere without his speedos! I was only half-way through my interview at this stage, but the guys were in a rush to get moving. They invited me to continue our discussion in their dressing room. Pretty rock and roll, you might be thinking. There was nothing debauched going on in there unfortunately, although the boys did all start getting undressed. Needless to say, things got awkward; I forgot my questions and made my excuses to leave…

…Now then, just where is Parade’s dressing room, I thought?

More from me next week.

The Insider.